am I a loser ?

i work by priorities

i take a decision and even if the world says its wrong i stand by it .. coz even it is wrong .. its mine

days ago i took a decision of not studying for the first exam paper instead developing my algorithm for key generation


my decision my life.. i said
i submitted research papers to conferences before deadline

formatted the papers
even studied LATEX

i spent 2 nights without sleep with MATLAB

my parents thought i was studying for the exam paper i wasn't
i was following what i felt right

now

scenario

the 1st exam paper and 1 other exam paper went so bad it can get me a KT

rendering me a final year pass class

whats worse .. this may even get in my way of Phd admission

scared as i am i was still having hope

hope that my conference paper's selection mail will be reaching me and my inner self will be feeling a sense of achievement

much following the trend of those 2 even the other exam papers haven't really went well

i fear what my results will be

now with my last exam paper tomorrow i cannot undo what i have done

while the acceptance notification of both the conferences should have reached me by now

they havent!!!!!


atleast one of the conferences has acknowledged the receipt of my research paper the other one hasnt even done that


all i m seeing in front of me right now is a word in bold capital letters LOSER

i lost in these exams which i thought 'didnt matter'
i have achieved uptil now in 'compensation'

so i ask myself

am i a loser

may be its true may be i am.